Unexpected Ingredients


Because I’m never content to simply Be Content, I was looking for other veggie lasagna recipes last night to make for Joe & Danielle. I knew I’d make the old standby, but was curious what I might be missing. There is always, always something better hiding just around the corner, right? Plus, new and exciting opportunities to give myself fits in the kitchen trying a new thing under pressure! Fun! For the whole family!

I pulled one up: Eggplant, Spinach and Tomato Lasagna. I had no eggplant, but I figured I’d look at it for future reference. Reading over the ingredient list, I was puzzled:

  • Spinach leaf template
  • Eggplant template
  • Scissors

What the eff? Is this some sort of haute cuisine terminology?

  • Hot glue gun
  • Embroidery thread (beige, dark green, brown)

OH FFS. It’s a felt lasagna. As in, a craft item. Not edible.

Le sigh.

Still, it looked delicious.

On the plus side, the actual, food-like lasagna turned out pretty well, the whiskey-glazed carrots were unfathomably delicious, and both pies were pretty good, too, even though I dorked up the pie crust somehow… I could have used the finished product asĀ  mortar, or perhaps stucco. When a pie crust is like granite, does that mean it’s been overworked? Chilled too long and not properly thawed? Over-mixed? Under-loved? Did it pick up on my silent hatred for it and turn stone-like in rebellion?

It was nice having folks over, though, and it’s something we should do more of. Mike Neir busted his ass vacuuming the entire house with our crappy, half-working vacuums, with assistance from the gender-identity-crisis-having Roomba. Mike is even going to clean the kitchen chaos today while I’m at work. He’s a good one, that Mike Neir. Once we get our real vacuums repaired, it will be far easier to keep the (damned) white carpets freer of black dog and cat hair. What sane person installs white carpeting? The previous owners had dogs and children. And white carpeting.

And people wonder why I am suspicious of humans on the whole.

Wendy from Wolf Haven had this thing when she was arguing with someone. During or shortly after some kind of argument, she’d think of something else she wanted to say, and started it out with, “And another thing!” I usually think of pretty much everything I wanted to say loooong after the fact, but I usually feel lame bringing stuff up later – thus, I admired her tenacity, getting everything off her chest even if the conversation/argument was thoroughly long done. Wendy actually taught me a lot about being direct and having confrontations or disagreements. At the risk of sounding like a creepy, ninety-year-old man, she’s got a firey spirit, that one. She might disagree – that’s ok.

I told you that because I wanted to make a somewhat unrelated aside, which I was going to start out, “and another thing!” but felt you needed context.Is your life more complete now? I thought so.

So, and another thing! What the hell is with all the shoddy, crappy, stupid vacuum designs? I bought this nice pet hair vacuum, designed for pet hair, all about the pet hair, with pet hair attachments. For PET HAIR.

Anyone who has ever had, y’know, a pet knows that pet hair can be copious and voluminous. It never occured to me, when buying this Pet Hair Version vacuum cleaner that the dirt chamber would only be four inches tall. Fricking seriously!

There’s this cavernous open area, only the bottom of which is removable. So I can usually vacuum for all of 15 minutes before having to stop and empty that sucker, and even then, some of the hair/dirt invariably goes over the top of the little cup and up into the big giant air space above it, and it spills and gets all over me, the vacuum and the freshly-vacuumed floor. What the frick, Bissell? Did you test-drive this thing?

But deep breaths. Yes, badly-designed things tend to work my last nerve (honestly, did anyone ever use that thing in real life before charging $150 for it and loosing it upon unsuspecting pet owners?) but all is well. We had a nice time last night, and told a lot of dog stories. Wendy actually came up in conversation, because Joe’s dog is having some behavioral issues currently. I told them about the first time I had a doggie sleepover with Wendys’ dogs, Jake & Harley, back in 2003, and how at one point, I came into the kitchen to find Jake, a 45-ish pound springer/border mix, on top of my refrigerator, where the treats were.

Dog. On the refrigerator.

That one still makes me chuckle to this day.

Oh, Jake-Jake the Cake Snake….

And, because I got all nostalgic as I was searching through my dog photos for one of Jake and Wendy together, here’s one of my dearly-departed Zephyr, completely content and comfy and asleep with his head resting on Jakey’s back.

I do miss the days of our happy little pack.

Gaiam.com, Inc

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2 responses to Unexpected Ingredients

  1. Elle Clark

    The lasagna recipe has me very confused too. But we do have 9 (yes 9) cats. Vacuuming is something Corrine does but we did get a dyson pet vacuum. It really does work and is designed beautifully. Downstairs is all hardwood so no vacuum needed but the stairs and upstairs is carpeted. But the lasagna, doesn’t sound like food! I have made one with spinach and shredded zuchini and carrots that turned out good!

  2. Elle Clark

    Over achiever that you are! Here is one lasagna recipe that was sent to me that really looks good. Portobello Lasagna roll ups. Made roll ups before, easy to serve!


    I think I am going to have to try this one!

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