The Disgruntled Door-to-Door Meat Salesman

Gardener's Supply Company - Deal of the Week

This past week, a salesman nearly had a psychotic break in our driveway.

It was about 9pm this past Wednesday night and I was in my jammies, getting ready to head up to bed, when the dogs went ballistic and the doorbell rang. I answered to find a dough-faced young man on our porch, who immediately launched into a sales pitch.

“I’m only here because we have this great sale going on, and it’s the last day!”

I raised an eyebrow (ok, I actually raised both of them, because I am physically incapable of raising only one, but you get the point.)

“I work for [some company name,] they’re the ones who have those really thick, great steaks?” He indicated the thickness of these steaks by holding his thumb and forefinger about two inches apart. “Aren’t those great, don’t you love them?”

“Ah,” I said politely. “I’m vegetarian. No thank you.”

“Are you kidding me?” A vein bulged at the side of his forehead.


He blinked once, and inhaled deeply, looking into my eyes intently. “I don’t get it! The last FIFTEEN doors I’ve knocked on have all said they’re vegetarian! What are the odds, right? I mean, they were all probably lying to me! ARE YOU LYING TO ME?!?!?”

It was my turn to blink.

“No, I’m not lying. I’ve been veggie for the last seven years.” I tried to think of something else to say, but why? I didn’t need to explain myself to him.

Apoplectic, he turned around and walked back toward his truck, alternately mumbling under his breath and yelling about the injustice of it all to someone sitting in the truck. He got behind the wheel, looked into our open garage, and I clearly heard, “THEY HAVE A DAMN FREEZER!!!” at which point, I was simultaneously amused and angered.

Ah, yes – a freezer. A freezer which much assuredly be full of nothing but meat.

We got the freezer largely so I could make meals ahead of time and freeze them, as well as freeze things from the garden. Granted, some of the Creswick meat lives there, too, but that’s secondary.

I damn near marched over to his truck, grabbed him by the ear and gave him a piece of my mind, but it was late, he was obviously a little unhinged and honestly, I didn’t really care.

Sorry you had a bad night, there, door-to-door meat salesman. I hope you found the Nothing But Carnivores household soon after ours.

This dovetails nicely with a post I’ve been meaning to write for a couple of months now, but keep putting off. Given the weather outlook for today, however, I should have plenty of time.

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Food, Vegetarian

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